Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Chocolate Makes It Better

Yesterday and today have been cold, windy and rainy.  Perfect days to stay at home in your pajamas and do nothing. This morning bright and early I headed to the eye doctor for some minor outpatient surgery.  I had to get 2 shots in my eyelid.  I will admit that I shouted some "fun words" at the doctor!! He just laughed and said he had heard worse.  My eyelid was so sore and swollen when I got home so I just laid on the couch for the good part of the morning. Thankfully C was content to watch Veggie Tales. 

After a few hours I was feeling better. So I told C we could make some brownies. She was super excited. I let her measure everything and stir it. She kept saying "Mom am I doing it all by myself?"  She was super excited when I let her lick the spoon. Mommy got to lick the bowl.



She tasted them and told me they were the best brownies she ever had. I love that she is not hard to please. But I have to admit they were pretty yummy and made my eye feel a lot better!!

Friday, September 23, 2011

What's Been Going On

This week started out great.  Pops and Sparky made a surprise visit to our house on their drive back from Washington State to Florida.  We knew they were coming but kept it a surprise from C.  We had them ring the door bell on Sunday evening and I made C go get it.  She was shocked and speechless.  They stayed for 2 nights and then continued their trip home.



Jeremy has been sick for a few weeks now.  He finally was diagnosed with Mono.  He tells me that he got it from me, but I have never had it. Wonder who he has been kissing????  Seriously he could have gotten it lots of way. The doctor told him it can last up to 6 weeks. He has been really tired and draggy lately. I know he feels bad and there is nothing to make him feel better. I feel really bad for him.  

C has been loving her Pre-k class 3 days a week.  I love that she loves it.  And I love the time to myself.  She has made a few new friends this year.  And deepened some friendships from last year.  She loves everything about and can not wait to go to Kindergarten.  Mommy on the other hand can wait for that.  

We haven't been able to do as many things with my moms group lately due to Pre-K and our schedule.  But this morning we got to meet up with them at the Children's Museum.  We were there for 1.5 hrs and never made it past the 2nd floor.  C loved the big climbing jungle.  And I enjoyed talking with some friends I hadn't seen in a while.  I love that we found this moms group. We have made such wonderful friends in it and both LOVE it.

After the museum this morning we came home and got ready for Lunch Bunch.   C found her Elmo doctor case. She took out all the medical toys and told me she wanted to pack her lunch in there. Since she doesn't have a lunch box yet I obliged. It was such a creative idea and she loved packing it and taking it with her.  I got to enjoy a few hours to myself.  Which I love!

I realize I have been slacking pretty hard on my blog. Since we made the decision to stop all fertility procedures I haven't felt like doing anything.  I am still working on accepting the new road I am on. Some days are better than others.   And today was one of them.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Her Own Shower

Yesterday afternoon Jeremy came home with a surprise for C.  It was her very own shower head.  It connects to the shower head and then there is hose and an attachment (ours is a dolphin) that you can stick on the shower wall further down.  The whole idea is for the kid to be able to take a shower by themselves.  In the past C has taken showers with us.  But it is not fun and usually the temperature of the water is not even warm.  Jeremy hooked it up in the morning while we went to a birthday party.  



So when evening rolled around she begged us to let her take a shower.  I thought I would have to get in there with her and kind of teach her the ropes.  But she told me not to get in.  I taught her how to wet her hair and wash with a wash cloth.  When she was in there I told her that we were "practicing" taking a shower.  She put her hands on her hips and said "I'm not practicing Mom.  I am taking a real shower!"  Indeed you are C.

I can not believe all the things she is beginning to do on her own. She is growing up. Makes me sad and happy at the same time!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Photo Friday

My friend Stephanie is starting a photography business.  I had e-mailed her a few weeks ago and told her that if she wanted to take some pictures of C for her website she could. She has 2 boys and she takes their pictures all the time. But I thought maybe she would want some girl pictures. She took me up on the offer and so C and I headed out to a photo session today.  C did a great job.  When they first started out I was there with her and then after 1 photo C said, "Mommy go away. I can do this by myself."  She is sure growing up!  Makes me sad and happy at the same time.  Ms. Stephanie said C did a great job, so I rewarded her with a trip to "Old MacDonald's" for cheeseburgers and play time.  Daddy even surprised us by showing up.  Stephanie has put a few of the photos up on Facebook and we will of course order some. But if you have Facebook go check them out on my page. And here is our favorite one...








Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Bye Bye Baby


I have gone back & forth in my mind about this post for a few weeks now.  But in the end I decided to write it, because this blog is about our life and this is a chapter in our life. 
 Jeremy and I have been trying to expand our family for over 2 years now.  We began doing fertility treatments exactly 1 year ago. I had surgery (for the 2nd time) and we did 5 rounds of fertility treatments, none of them resulting in a pregnancy.  We sat down with our doctor a few weeks ago and he flat out told me that my chances to get pregnant did not look promising.  He suggested we move on to IVF. He also said most likely we would have to do it a handful of times and he still didn't think it looked favorable.  I was heartbroken and tried not to cry.  We drove home from that appointment in mostly silence.  I was completely numb.  I never thought I would not get the chance to do this again....


Or hold another one of my baby's again...




After a week or so of discussing it with Jeremy, we decided not to continue any treatments. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life!! I could not imagine going through months and months of treatments and procedures.  Having to take up to 4 shots a day for months.  I knew I would be a constant wreck, emotional and sad. To go through all of that and STILL NOT end up with a pregnancy would be too much for me too handle.  I am trying really hard to accept that C will be an only child.  That I will never be pregnant again. I will never have another child of my own. This is not how it was suppose to be. 

I have many friends who are still expanding their families.  And it has been so hard to deal with. I want to be happy for them. I really do. But it kills me inside. I am feeling such a rush of emotions from jealousy, anger, disappointment to sadness when I hear of yet another one becoming pregnant. Then that makes me feel even worse.   

I am trying to move forward. I have gone through all of C's baby toys and clothing, that we were holding on to for our next baby. I have sold or donated almost everything.  I thought it would be healing and therapeutic. But it has been hard. I am trying to put on a happy face and move on. But I feel so broken and so angry inside. 

My friends who know what I have been dealing with have been wonderful to me.  I really want to thank Jeremy, Gina, Karyn and Jennifer who have been there to hold my hand and catch my tears.  One of them told me that I am grieving.  I am grieving a dream of what could have been and what I wanted to be. And she is right.  I am.  And I don't know how to stop or when it will end.

(I did not write this post for sympathy. I wrote it because it is a part of my life.  And I have always used writing as an outlet for me.  I am hoping in writing this, that I will begin to heal and begin to find peace.)

SONIC Has Arrived!!


I am so happy to announce that SONIC has finally made it to my town!! After not having one for the 2 years we have lived here, we finally got one! They had their grand opening almost 2 weeks ago. These last 2 weeks have been crazy.  People waiting over 45 minutes to even order!! 


I drove by a few times the first week but it was insane.  By the 2nd week I was able to finally get me a vanilla coke at Happy Hour.

One afternoon after running lots of errands, C and I popped by there. I let her have her first eat-in experience.  She thought she was some hot stuff waiting for her food in the FRONT seat!




Trying her first tater tots with cheese.  Yep, she liked them!


I had the windows rolled down and she loved hanging out of them and waving at all the people and cars.  When we got home she was so excited to tell Daddy all about how she got to eat in the car in the front seat.   I love that it is the little things that make her so happy and excited.

She must take her  Momma, because I am beyond ecstatic for SONIC to finally be here!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Chandler & The Corn

A few Sunday afternoons ago, we were all pooled out, so we decided to take a drive to check out the corn fields and wind mills. On the way we spotted some baby alpacas, so of course we had to stop the car.


The alpacas were very curious and kept creeping closer and closer to us. There were a couple baby ones, just a few weeks old and they were so cute.

The corn!! It is out of control this summer.  


C wanted to play in the corn, so we played a few games of hide and seek.  Daddy and C hid first and I have to say that I was having "Children of the Corn" visions and hearing that creepy music while I searched for them.


Check out how tall that corn is compared to C!!


Then C wanted to go off and hide by herself. The idea made me very nervous, but Daddy said it was okay. That was all the nudging she needed.



And she was off!  I was really uncomfortable the whole time. I was so scared she would get lost.  But Daddy found her 3 times right away.  She thought she was hot stuff playing in the corn fields all by herself.

A perfect Midwest picture.


Mommy "hearing that creepy music" and hoping we would leave soon!


Whenever C gets her picture taken lately she has to give us the thumbs up. I am not sure where she picked this up from.


Corn as far as you can see. And the neat thing we are only 10 minutes from the mall. You would never know it.  Even though it made me uneasy to be surrounded by all that corn, it was still pretty neat to show it all to C and see how much fun she was having.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Chandler's Butterflies

Aunt Mo Mo, Uncle Ian and Kenenisa sent C a butterfly kit for her birthday. We sent away for the caterpillars and anxiously awaited their arrival.  When they got here they took about a week and then formed cocoons. I then transferred the cocoons to the butterfly cage.  In this picture there are 3 cocoons and 1 butterfly that had literally just hatched.


C loved feeding them their meals of sugar water drops on flower petals.  After about 5 days in the cage, all 4 butterflies had emerged from their slumber and it was time to release them.

You can see some of the flower petals on the bottom.  3 of the butterflies happily flew away, but 1 did not want to leave the cage.

After some shaking and prodding the last butterfly fluttered to the opening.  C was being really sweet and kept saying "Come on baby butterfly you can do it. Come out and fly away."  It was pretty cute.  Eventually the butterfly peeked out of the cage, I gave the cage 1 final shake and the butterfly flew out, briefly landed on C's fingers (as if to say thanks and goodbye) and then flew away!  C was so excited that it had landed on her.

We had a great time watching the life cycle of the butterfly.  C learned about them and enjoyed taking care of them.  Thanks for such a cool gift Hanna's!!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

All About Chandler


Even though C had her 4 year check up over a month ago, I forgot to write about it. Whoops.  
 Her weight is 34 lbs which is in the 41st % and her height is 40 inches which is in the 55th%.  Right in the middle. Though I really do think she will be tall, given her daddy is really tall.

(In front of her preschool on her first full day)

As far as everything else for her age she is off the charts. Dr. K was extremely impressed with her vocabulary and her speech. C is constantly asking questions about everything!! I know it means that she is smart and wants to learn but lots of the times it just wears me out. I swear she never stops asking questions.

One afternoon during quiet time she called for me and told me she was stuck.  Having fallen for this trick many times before I figured she was bluffing and so I did not react.  Well she kept on calling for me and would not stop.  I finally came upstairs to find this. Such a silly girl. Oh and she really was stuck.

Dr. K was also impressed with her coordination and after seeing this, I was too. C has been to an event called "Lunch Bunch" a few times at a local gymnastics place.  They go from 12-2 on Fridays. They eat lunch, do a craft and then do gymnastics.  It is a drop off program and both myself and C love it!!

C climbed up on the wall, grabbed on the bar and scooted out to the middle by using her hands and then just dangled there.  Eventually she will drop down into the foam pit. I was so impressed at her strength, coordination and bravery. You can't tell from the picture but she is really high.


C has still has such a love for music.  One day we were jamming to Veggie Tales in my car and I was singing along with her.  When we finally got out of the car, she told me that I had to stop singing. I asked her why. And she replied "Because your singing makes my ears hurt."  Thanks C, thanks.  She also loves to watch movies on the iPad and daddy's iPhone. Jeremy downloaded a much of writing games for her and she loves to practice writing all her letters and spelling out words.  

Most mornings after she eats breakfast she will climb into her tent and play on the iPad or with some toys.  Her favorite toys right now are stuffed animals. She has a lot of them. They all have names and she gets real upset if you don't know who is who.   She spends most of her quiet time playing with them.  Sometimes after her 1 hour is up I can not get her to come out of her room.  In fact just today she had them all lined up against the wall and spent over 30 minutes "reading" to them after quiet time was over.  

She plays very well by herself and has a wonderful imagination.  One afternoon we heard the ice cream truck so we went outside to look for him. He ended up going down a side street and through the rest of the neighborhood before he got to our street. We spent 30 minutes lying in the grass looking at clouds, having a stick sword fight and making letters out of broken sticks. She was as happy as a lark doing this.  I know not many 4 year olds would be.

C can be very bossy at times. I wonder where she gets that?!  She was telling me which ice cream treat we should get for daddy.  She loves to make up games and rules and gets very frustrated when we don't do what she says.  It is cute, but Jeremy and I are both trying not to encourage it. 

She had picked out what she thought was a princess popsicle.  I didn't have the heart to tell her it was not. She is a pretty good eater and sleeper. She eats everything we eat.  Sometimes she needs a little prodding but for the most part she eats all her meals.  She sleeps about 10 hours a night. If she wakes up really early I will tell her she needs to go back in her room and either play quietly or go back to sleep until 7:00am. And she happily does!  

She is an absolute joy to be around. She is kind, sweet, a good sharer, smart, friendly.  She makes new friends where ever we go and always talks to other kids.  She is so funny and makes Jeremy and I laugh all the time with the funny things she says.  I am so blessed and so thankful that God chose me to be her Momma!!